|Picture Prompt, courtesy of Everyday Gyaan|
To not have to worry about you, brother in law "Bil".
Bil, I wonder if you worry about your future. Perhaps, to you, time is unending, stretching out forever. You depend so much on routines. They provide a security, a scaffolding for your life, in a world where a change in routine means chaos. That calm is deceptive. We know how anxious you are.
Anxiety goes hand in hand with autism, a developmental disability that prevents you from understanding much about human behavior.
But we, your family, we must worry about you. We are not peaceful fishermen. We are apprehensive, because we can see things coming.
I wish I could transport myself into that picture. I can imagine the waves lapping against the rocks and the sound they make. I can imagine the man with his mind clear of thoughts, waiting.
Waiting, always waiting. Will a fish bite? Will no fish mean he goes hungry?
It might be nice to suddenly pop into that picture, and shed the worries I have here in my own world.
But here's the thing, Bil. Your life is going to change drastically. It may change tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But changes are coming.
You were on a housing list, and now the housing list has been discontinued.
The State may be changing the way you get services.
Your mother will not live forever. She's taken care of you nearly every day of your life. You assume that someone will always be there for you, don't you?
That's the plan. But, stuff happens. We know how things are changing so rapidly, here in the United States. Programs vanish. Funding vanishes. People are fearful.
I know those are not your worries, Bil. They are the worries of your guardian, your brother, my husband. Your guardian who, chances are, will predecease you, because you are several years younger. And you are in better health than he is.
Ah, to disappear into that picture, and never reappear.
Linking to #FridayReflections.