Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Long and Winding Road of Our Journey with Bil - Intro

It's been said so many times it is a cliche:  if you don't study history you are doomed to repeat it.

Our road in effectively trying to advocate for Bil is a road that stretches over some 10 years now.  In a way we should be ashamed that we didn't start until 10 years ago.  However, we did start and that is what is important.  What is important too, is how we feel so stalled out right now, sort of like a real-life Groundhog Day.

Here, at year's end, it is time to take stock.  I feel so very lost now, that I must retrace my breadcrumbs-and hope some bird hasn't followed me to eat them.

I need to know what to do next.  I feel like I am stuck in quicksand.  So here's the story, sort of.

Before my father in law died in 1998, our efforts to learn more about Bil were always rebuffed.  "Don't worry", we were told "he's taken care of".   We were young, and for part of this pre-death period, we lived some 1300 miles away. For part of this time, my husband was in the military.  Other things came and went, so we didn't worry that much. 

Of course, when fil died, we found out quickly that -well, he had misspoken.  Majorly misspoken.  He didn't even have a typed will, this man who played golf all the times with lawyers. (and he was in the insurance business.  The cobbler's children go without shoes....)

My mother in law realized there was a problem, a big problem now, especially since at about the same time an elderly in law of hers fell down stairs, was paralyzed, and ended up with a living will the doctors would not honor for various reasons.  I won't get into the details, but it showed my mother in law (a very intelligent woman) that she had better see a lawyer to get documents in place for her, and also for Bil.

While this was happening, we were starting to try to educate ourselves on autism.  We found quickly that whatever material was on the then-fledgling Internet (and CompuServe, which I subscribed to), was geared towards children.  Adults with autism?  What were they?

How did other siblings cope?  Nada.

Our journey of discovery was beginning.

In future posts, the continuation of the journey.

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