Friday, July 21, 2017

Too Many Regrets #FridayReflections

In some ways, my mother in law's life could be called "the one that got away".  But, in her case, it was the sum of some decisions that, with hindsight, weren't all that good, along with some "no one can look into the future, can they?"

For example, choosing not to get a survivors benefit on her husband's pension so that he could draw more money when he was alive.  He died two weeks after retiring.  Who could have predicted?  Well, he wasn't in the best of health, and retired for that reason to begin with.  His downhill slide was apparent.  Why did he leave his wife with no survivor's benefit?

Redecorating her house instead of saving her money for the future.  When her future came, she found she had spent money on the wrong things, things buyers had no interest in. And, sad but true, no one wanted her belongings. (That is true for many seniors in our society here in the United States, by the way.)

While she had health and money, deciding she was going to stay in her house, no matter what.  She waited too long and had to move away from her friends and many of her family members.  Fortunately, we live in an area much cheaper to live in.

But, worst of all, she didn't take heed of the future of her autistic son.  She made no plans for his future.  She refused to have him move into supported housing (placements were offered several times).    She didn't even discuss her wishes for him with her other children.   She just "assumed."

Now, her son is at the mercy of budget cuts and the good will of his siblings.

Did she not realize that her other children were not mind readers?

No, it wasn't just one thing that got away.  It was many things.  Her health (which she did try to preserve).  Her mobility (and she was far from a lazy person).  And now, in the end, her quality of life has suffered.  Her children, including her autistic son, worry about her.


I'm sure this future was the last thing she wanted.  Her future was the person who haunted her, the one that got away.

Join Sanch and other bloggers in #FridayReflections.  The prompt for this week is “Then I wondered if everybody has that person that haunts them, the one that got away.” ― Marlon James, A Brief History of Seven Killings. You can use the entire quote in your post or else as a theme for your post.


4 comments:

  1. Hi - just so difficult for you now, and that of course is the case. I do hope things will resolve themselves with Bil, and with your MIL and then you both take care of yourselves ... have a peaceful weekend - cheers Hilary

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    1. I'm sure they will resolve - it's the process that is he hard part. Take care, Hilary.

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  2. Maybe she thought she would have more time in her hands. Or she never expected to be in the position she is now. Hope she and her family will be alright. Take care.

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    1. Thank you for your well wishes. I guess, in a way, we are never fully prepared for what will come.

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