Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Rough Days Ahead

My mother in law is having more medical tests tomorrow to try to scope out why she is having mobility problems, from her latest fall.

Bil....well, how can you get him to realize his mother is no longer a well oiled machine that exists to serve his needs?  Harsh?  I think he sees her in that way.  He knows she goes to the hospital to get a biopsy (a week ago) and all he cares about is that he gets to go out to lunch.

Another time recently she was very tired and in a lot of obvious (to us) pain and Bil wanted someone to take him out for ice cream.  My husband told him "no". (we were very tired also).  He has to know that sometimes the answer is "no."

And now, to top it off, it is time for the elephant in the room to trumpet. I fear that she is running out of money (from a couple of comments she made right before we left on our last visit.)  That's something she's never wanted to talk about, so I fear if she has suddenly mentioned it, it's worse than we think.

Housekeeper...snow removal...lawncare...none of that is cheap where she lives.

We have to make some effort to convince her her family should review some of her finances (meaning my husband and his two non-disabled siblings.)  It isn't a matter of her pride.  If she truly values the future of her disabled son she has to allow us to see her expenses, and figure out what can be done.  (I am going to try to write more on this in my next post-if I remember).

It is going to be an unpleasant process to try to convince her that this has to be done.  She may end up as a cautionery tale of what happens when a spouse (hers) dies without adequate life insurance.  Plus, while she called some of us cheap, we were watching budgets...something she perhaps should have been doing more of.  She is a naturally generous person but you just can't be as generous on a widow's pension.

But finger pointing won't solve anything.  I just hope she will open up to us so we can see what her financial situation is.  And, in so doing, how we can safeguard Bil's future.

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