Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Pattern Continues

Another emergency.....another pattern continues.  Like an afghan under construction, each occurrence makes its own pattern in the tapestry this story is weaving.

My mother in law starts her recovery from her latest fall.  According to her doctor, the swelling will last perhaps another two weeks, and the pain another few weeks after that.

Bil helps.  He helps under the instructions of my mother in law.  She asks simple things (bring me this, Bil, hand me this, Bil.) He's helped, I understand, with setting the table with meals, with carrying things, with bringing things to her.  However, I know it would be impossible for him to do a lot of things without a lot of training, something we don't have the luxury of time to do (living 150 miles away).

We are fortunate that relatives closer to her than us (mileagewise) have installed a toilet seat with handles, a better grab bar (we'll see more of what they did when we go down-hopefully next weekend, weather permitting) and other things we would not have thought of.  These relatives have a lot more experience taking care of their parents (now all deceased) than we have.

The other fortunate thing is that the relatives in question have a good relationship with Bil.  They praise him, they talk to him in terms of him showing his love for his Mom by now turning around and being her helper.

What I want to see, though, is that Bil is given all the opportunities to help that he can.  My mother in law is fiercely independent and I don't know how she feels about their relationship changing, about the son needing to caretake.  We neurotypicals struggle with that change in relationship; how will Mil and Bil deal with it?

And, we know he loves his Mom but how much can we expect of him?  Only time will tell.

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