I feel like I'm perched at the very top of a roller coaster. Any day now the car I am riding in is going to suddenly be going down this 75 degree embankment at 100 miles an hour. I won't be strapped in. I'll be hanging on for dear life. I have this feeling but I don't know why. I trust my feelings. It's not a good feeling. It's not anxiety. I don't know what it is.
It may be the feeling that...one more fall, one more stroke (on the part of my mother in law) and I'm going to be riding that coaster.
As part of this feeling, I know I have to think about changing the focus of this blog. For the past few months it's been just churning around. going nowhere. I am participating in a writing contest (30 entries in 30 days) and I am learning the importance of regular posting. I'm not doing it here. I'm not doing this blog right. This blog has a definite theme (the life of my brother in law) and I'm not living up to it. I'm not doing it justice.
At the same time, I don't want to give up the work I've put into this blog so far-over 140 posts now.
I really can't discuss this with the cyberfriends I've made in the contest. For all I know, some of them have chldren or sibs with disabilities. But I don't want to make this blog too public. I'm at loose ends.
I could change the emphasis. I could make an attempt to get readership.
Whatever I do, I am at a crossroads.
Maybe I will hone my skills for the rest of the contest, and revisit this again next month.
Yes, that's the ticket.
Put things off again.....