Friday, May 12, 2017

The Great Adventure #FridayReflections

There we were.  It was time for my autistic brother in law's six month review at the day program he attends three times a week.  My husband and I were there.  His other brother and his wife were there.  The program director was there. His service coordinator was there.  There was just one problem:

"Bil" wasn't there.

Suffice to say there was a cluster of communication failures. 

So, again, there we were.

Without Bil, the person whose progress we were reviewing, the meeting couldn't happen.  But while we were there, we ended up having a meeting so educational that my head is still spinning, several days later.

Bil has a housing opportunity.  It's a good one.  It's not too many miles from where my husband and I live. 

It may take several months to happen.  But when it does, it will be quick.  And he must take the opportunity right away, because he won't be given another chance in the future.  There are many disabled who need this kind of apartment, and a big shortage of suitable housing. 

The people who work with Bil feel Bil is ready to separate from his mother.  His mother is elderly, prone to falls (but thankfully not cognitively impaired) and would need additional assistance without him present for some of the day (he does some routine tasks she can no longer do, and if she drops something, he has to pick it up as she no longer dares to bend or crouch).

Whether his mother is ready to separate, we have some doubts about. He's lived with her all his life.  Where they used to live until two years ago (miles from us), she turned down several housing opportunities for him.  She wanted him by her side.  She's never been able to let him go.  But he's in his late 50's. It's past time for him to spread his wings to the best of his abilities.

When my husband told her Bil's service coordinator was going to be applying for a housing opening, she said - nothing.


We have to have a family meeting to talk to her,  and also to get her wishes for once Bil moves out.  It's going to be an adventure and another journey into the unknown.  We are fighting for Bil's future because they are going to separate now, or separate later (when she dies, or is no longer able to care for him). 

We are reaching for the right words, the words that will make the best of a stressful situation.

I feel like we are at a turning point.  We are all hanging off a cliff without a net underneath us 

But, you know what? 

This is just one obstacle in what is going to be a lifetime of challenges.  We've met some of those challenges already.  Others are to come.  We must remember that attitude is everything.  

We can't give up before we begin.  It's time to consider this as a great adventure.

Today's prompt: “Adventure isn’t hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles in life.” – John Amatt.

Join Corinne and Sanch at #FridayReflections.


  1. Hi Alana - oh gosh ... that's the way life goes sometimes isn't it. Having that meeting with Bil's mother as soon as possible and let's hope with your empathy and love she will realise she needs to agree ... my best thoughts - Hilary

    1. The meeting has happened - an update May 19.

  2. What a great attitude you have about facing challenges. With such an approach to life, I am quite sure you successfully carry out each challenge. Good luck with this one though. Old people are hard to convince....

    1. This is a continuing story, and there is more to report - hope you can make it to my blog on May 19.

  3. I'm so happy that BIL has an opening, and will be praying that his Mom has the strength to let him go. Sending you and the family love and good wishes as you journey through this new phase.

    1. Thank you, Corinne. We hope this can be the beginning of something good for "Bil".

  4. I hope all turns out well for you and your family. God bless

    Click Here to see what Mrs. Dash Says

    1. Thank you so much for thinking of us, DeeDee.

  5. Oh fingers crossed this is the start of some of those changes that will help make it manageable in the future. The talk will be hard and my thoughts are with you!


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