Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Living With Us Again?

I blogged several days ago about Bil deciding he wanted to sleep here on his last visit over the weekend.  My mother in law was sure he would not, and would not want to be away from her....but he was OK with it.  Although I don't know about next time, because he didn't sleep very well.

I wish I could remember the comment my mother in law made, something about Bil practicing for when she was "no longer around".  In other words, Bil was practicing sleeping here for when he would be living here permanently.  This is another topic my mother in law has a total blind spot about.  For a number of reasons we truly do not think that Bil living with us would be the best thing after she can no longer take care of him.  But I digress (although I do need to blog more about that.)

I have realized for a long time that there is some kind of, dare I call it, symbiotic relationship between Bil and his mother.  When an opening in supported housing opened up some 3 years ago, she refused to sign the papers. All of her other children pleaded with her, her Medicaid Service Coordinator pleaded with her, but no go.  I think that Bil could have been eased into it with some kind of transitional plan, but my husband and I didn't have the knowledge to really craft something like that.  I have to admit, working with people is not my strong suit.  I tend to be very introverted.  Be it as it may, she thought Bil wouldn't want to sleep away from her and guess what he did.

It's funny she thought that, because he has been away from her several times, when she has traveled.  She hasn't traveled a lot in her life because her late husband hated to sleep in a strange place.  In fact, they vacationed away from home (more than overnight, I mean) a total of three times that I can think of in nearly 40 years of marriage.

And, in the same breath, she announces she may go to California sometime next year for a couple of weeks, if one of her nephews travels out there to visit his son.  Again, Bil would stay up here.  So why was she making a comment about Bil practicing for when she was gone?  I wonder if she is thinking a lot about her mortality for whatever reason.  I do that enough and I am 25 years younger than she is!

Anyway, my brother in law's wife (Bil normally stays with them) was glad in a way that Bil stayed with us.  She would like Bil to stay with us part of the time if Mil goes to California.  Last time, my husband spent a lot of time with Bil although he slept every night at his brother's house.  I think that would be a good thing for Bil.  Visit and stay, yes.

But live in our house?  No.

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