Saturday, December 29, 2012

Why Can't Bil Help? Because He's a Man, That's Why

Time for another rant.

Why is it, that in my in law's family, men can get away with not helping?

I blogged the other day about one of Bils relatives, who is over 100 years old.  Bless her, that she can continue to live independently - except she can't.  She has a son at home, and until recently, she was taking care of him, not the other way around.

He insisted on fresh vegetables, and this woman, who has three digits in her age, would stand by the sink, cleaning and cutting.

She still would get down on her hands and knees to scrub the floor until recently.  When she was younger, she had the highest standards in housekeeping, so maybe this was voluntary, but why wasn't her son doing the cleaning? Or, most of the cooking?  Or at least the heavy prep work, if he wanted his fresh veggies and not microwave Steamables, for example?

Does the family condemn this man who lets his centenarian mother wait on him hand and foot?

No.

This family attitude extends to Bil.  True, Bil now helps to carry in groceries.  It's become part of her routine.  And sometimes, he will fetch items she can't reach, at her request, especially if the item is on another floor.  But, I've gotten no support whatsoever from my mother in law in trying to train Bil in things like loading and emptying the dishwasher.  Or, putting plates and silverware (from the dishwasher) away.

Folding his laundry might be a stretch, but I think he could be taught.

I think there would be other ways that Bil could make her life easier.  Her mobility becomes more and more limited, and her falls more frequent.

I suspect I know why she doesn't try.

It's because he's a man.

Why does this family insist on waiting on their male members??????

She'd rather suffer, rather be in pain, than have her son live up to his full potential.

And she hurts him, too, by not giving him that chance.

Can't she see that?

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