My autistic brother in law, Bil, spent much of the years of his adult life, sheltered, in either a sheltered workshop (where he made less than the minimum wage) or, in his bedroom.
That has changed in the past two and a half years, after his two brothers moved him (and his elderly mother, now ailing) up to be near us.
We had better programs here - no reflection at all on his mother, who did what she could raising him in an age where there were few services for people with autism.
Sheltered workshops no longer exist - and as a result, my brother in law no longer works. One adjustment.
Sometimes, I am in awe of my brother in law. He has had to make so many adjustments in so little time.
There is another one coming, as his mother will be transitioning from rehab into skilled nursing in the near future. She needs 24 hour care for an ailment and won't be able to return home after three hospitalizations in a month's time. And now, we have a month to clean out her apartment, including the room that was once his shelter. Three moves in less than three years.
"Bil", earlier this year, moved into what is called supportive housing, and now is experiencing life on his own (with a roommate, and support, but still on his own). How daring can that be, in your late 50's?
He has the chance for independence, finally, and I hope he has the daring to take full advantage of it. So far he is taking baby steps - and what else would one expect, when the door to independence of a sheltered life opens?
But, sooner or later, there will be still another leaving from his sheltered life, when the mother who cared for him for almost 60 years takes her ultimate journey.
What will happen then?
Today, on #FridayReflections,I am writing from the prompt "A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within. - Eudora Welty" Join Shalini and Corinne at Everyday Gyaan, and contribute your own #FridayReflections.
Showing posts with label Housing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Housing. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2018
Friday, September 1, 2017
Ephemeral Hopes and Dreams #FridayReflections
Here we were, our hopes popping like a fragile bubble. It only took one sentence.
"I don't want to leave my mother".
We were hoping, so hoping, that my developmentally disabled brother in law, "Bil", could find a housing placement before the time (not too distant, we feel) that his mother will no longer be able to care for him.
When you are young, time stretches before you like an endless highway. Now, in my 60's, it seems like a rapidly revolving roll of toilet paper reaching its end. Bil is only about six years behind me.
Earlier this week, "Bil" and some of us toured the three types of housing that would be available in our community with someone who has Bil's disabilities. He has expressed interest in living away from his mother. In a day program he has been in for two years, he has made strides towards being his own person.
I feel I should explain a little more about these housing opportunities.
"Supportive" housing actually gives the least support. Bil would need to be almost fully independent, able to cook and shop for himself. He is not there yet - he is afraid to use a stove, and has done very little food preparation in the past. And we have found that he will not do basic chores needed for independent living without prompting. In this placement, there would be no prompting, and no staff on premises.
"Supervisory" is the next level, and the one that Bil decided he would be the most interested in. In supervisory housing, there are a couple of full time staff on premises, ready to help with any kind of emergency. Other than that, the residents are expected to be somewhat independent. Bil would have his own room, share a bathroom, and share a common living room space, all within a large house housing six men and nine women.
The home we saw was spacious and clean.
Finally, "IRA" or what used to be called group homes, is the most restrictive. We agreed this was not suitable; that Bil's level of functioning called for a more independent type of housing (but not as independent as the supportive apartment). In fact, the one we saw seemed to be more of an assisted living facility geared to people with physical frailness. That is not Bil.
As we toured, Bil said he doesn't want to leave his mother, who is nearly 90. He is worried about her and her physical decline. But, that shouldn't be his worry, and we've told him before that her well being is on our "worry plates" not his.
So this is an addition to our "worry plate".
So we asked what would happen if Bil tried the supportive housing. When I asked "what happens if he doesn't succeed?" it sounded like they were tip toeing around the truth. Finally, one gentleman said "he might be returned to his mother's apartment". In truth, if he turns down the placement, he goes to the bottom of the list. And it is a very long list.
And his mother's reaction to the possibility of Bil living apart from her (although he would be about five minutes away)?
Needless to say, she was not happy. She does not support him in this.
Her years of independence have also been ephemeral. Now, she falls constantly (one fall and one slip since June). She won't let go of Bil. But if something happens to her - then what happens to Bil?
She has to let go. She has to make Bil comfortable in his decision so he can keep growing as a person.
But life is a series of ups and downs. Perhaps another up is just around the corner. Perhaps this setback is ephemeral, lasting for a very short time.
Join Sanch and other bloggers in #FridayReflections.
"I don't want to leave my mother".
We were hoping, so hoping, that my developmentally disabled brother in law, "Bil", could find a housing placement before the time (not too distant, we feel) that his mother will no longer be able to care for him.
When you are young, time stretches before you like an endless highway. Now, in my 60's, it seems like a rapidly revolving roll of toilet paper reaching its end. Bil is only about six years behind me.
Earlier this week, "Bil" and some of us toured the three types of housing that would be available in our community with someone who has Bil's disabilities. He has expressed interest in living away from his mother. In a day program he has been in for two years, he has made strides towards being his own person.
I feel I should explain a little more about these housing opportunities.
"Supportive" housing actually gives the least support. Bil would need to be almost fully independent, able to cook and shop for himself. He is not there yet - he is afraid to use a stove, and has done very little food preparation in the past. And we have found that he will not do basic chores needed for independent living without prompting. In this placement, there would be no prompting, and no staff on premises.
"Supervisory" is the next level, and the one that Bil decided he would be the most interested in. In supervisory housing, there are a couple of full time staff on premises, ready to help with any kind of emergency. Other than that, the residents are expected to be somewhat independent. Bil would have his own room, share a bathroom, and share a common living room space, all within a large house housing six men and nine women.
The home we saw was spacious and clean.
Finally, "IRA" or what used to be called group homes, is the most restrictive. We agreed this was not suitable; that Bil's level of functioning called for a more independent type of housing (but not as independent as the supportive apartment). In fact, the one we saw seemed to be more of an assisted living facility geared to people with physical frailness. That is not Bil.
As we toured, Bil said he doesn't want to leave his mother, who is nearly 90. He is worried about her and her physical decline. But, that shouldn't be his worry, and we've told him before that her well being is on our "worry plates" not his.
So this is an addition to our "worry plate".
So we asked what would happen if Bil tried the supportive housing. When I asked "what happens if he doesn't succeed?" it sounded like they were tip toeing around the truth. Finally, one gentleman said "he might be returned to his mother's apartment". In truth, if he turns down the placement, he goes to the bottom of the list. And it is a very long list.
And his mother's reaction to the possibility of Bil living apart from her (although he would be about five minutes away)?
Needless to say, she was not happy. She does not support him in this.
Her years of independence have also been ephemeral. Now, she falls constantly (one fall and one slip since June). She won't let go of Bil. But if something happens to her - then what happens to Bil?
She has to let go. She has to make Bil comfortable in his decision so he can keep growing as a person.
But life is a series of ups and downs. Perhaps another up is just around the corner. Perhaps this setback is ephemeral, lasting for a very short time.
Join Sanch and other bloggers in #FridayReflections.
Friday, August 25, 2017
Taking Off In Flight
Some of us gain independence in our teens, others of us in our 20's.
For my autistic brother in law Bil, it may not be until his late 50's. For others with developmental disabilities, it may be never.
Bil may never have the ability to fly totally on his own wings, but we will applaud his attempts at independence, no matter how low or how high he may be able to fly.
This coming Monday, he will take another step.
When Bil moved up to this area with his elderly mother some two years ago, he was not at all independent. He had depended on his mother his whole life. But, a day program he started to attend changed all that.
He used to watch the same political shows as his mother. But then, he changed his orientation. He went from one political party to the one his mother did not support.
If you asked him to do something, he sometimes asked "why?" Not out of disrespect, but he was starting to think things through.
And, he lived on his own (with support) for several weeks while his mother was in rehab after a hospitalization. He chose that. The only night he wanted to stay with us was when there were thunderstorms, something he is highly frightened of.
Now, Bil has the chance to live apart from his mother for the first time. Monday, he will tour the apartment he and others are being considered for.
We are excited for Bil, even as people like Bil, people with autism, face budget cuts and worse.
We will not stop fighting for him, even as those who hate continue their demonstrations.
For my autistic brother in law Bil, it may not be until his late 50's. For others with developmental disabilities, it may be never.
Bil may never have the ability to fly totally on his own wings, but we will applaud his attempts at independence, no matter how low or how high he may be able to fly.
This coming Monday, he will take another step.
When Bil moved up to this area with his elderly mother some two years ago, he was not at all independent. He had depended on his mother his whole life. But, a day program he started to attend changed all that.
He used to watch the same political shows as his mother. But then, he changed his orientation. He went from one political party to the one his mother did not support.
If you asked him to do something, he sometimes asked "why?" Not out of disrespect, but he was starting to think things through.
And, he lived on his own (with support) for several weeks while his mother was in rehab after a hospitalization. He chose that. The only night he wanted to stay with us was when there were thunderstorms, something he is highly frightened of.
Now, Bil has the chance to live apart from his mother for the first time. Monday, he will tour the apartment he and others are being considered for.
We are excited for Bil, even as people like Bil, people with autism, face budget cuts and worse.
We will not stop fighting for him, even as those who hate continue their demonstrations.
Friday, August 11, 2017
A Sight for Sore Eyes
A sight for sore eyes can be a person or a place.
For Bil's journey to independence as someone with a developmental disability, it may be an apartment he may be looking at next week. We don't know for sure if he will be able to view it but he will definitely interview for it. He's one of several candidates for the opening.
It's in the village where he and his mother now live. He would have a roommate but his own bedroom.
It would be the first time he's ever lived apart from his mother.
For us, his siblings and in laws, it's a sight for sore eyes because he has been on a housing list for so many years. It's taken so much work to arrive at this time, this place. It will mean that Bil has a place to live, a shelter, a room to call his own, even if something happens to his mother. And, the time is fast approaching where his mother (who wants him with her) will no longer be able to care for herself without outside help.
By the end of this week, we will know more. Right now, they are giving us few details.
But we hope the wait is almost over.
Join Sanch Vee and other bloggers at #FridayReflections, where...well, we reflect. The prompt for today "A sight for sore eyes".
For Bil's journey to independence as someone with a developmental disability, it may be an apartment he may be looking at next week. We don't know for sure if he will be able to view it but he will definitely interview for it. He's one of several candidates for the opening.
It's in the village where he and his mother now live. He would have a roommate but his own bedroom.
It would be the first time he's ever lived apart from his mother.
For us, his siblings and in laws, it's a sight for sore eyes because he has been on a housing list for so many years. It's taken so much work to arrive at this time, this place. It will mean that Bil has a place to live, a shelter, a room to call his own, even if something happens to his mother. And, the time is fast approaching where his mother (who wants him with her) will no longer be able to care for herself without outside help.
By the end of this week, we will know more. Right now, they are giving us few details.
But we hope the wait is almost over.
Join Sanch Vee and other bloggers at #FridayReflections, where...well, we reflect. The prompt for today "A sight for sore eyes".
Saturday, April 29, 2017
Yearning (for good housing) #AtoZChallenge
"Bil", my autistic brother in law, had his annual review recently, and the topic of housing for
Bil, once my mother in law can no longer care for him, came up.
Let me backtrack a little. Bil lives with his mother. He always has. First, it was in his childhood home, where he lived for all his conscious life. In 2015, he and his mother were moved up here to be closer to two of her other children, and they moved into an apartment in a senior complex.
Once his Mom can no longer stay there due to physical or health issues, Bil has to move out, and find another housing option. He would be allowed to stay, but he can't afford the rent. And therein lies the problem.
We already experienced a time when Bil had to stay in the apartment while his mother was hospitalized. He had a lot of support from my husband, his oldest brother, and me.
I've mentioned in other posts about the fact that Bil could never grasp the fact that garbage needed to be taken out. He had to be prompted. It was surprising that the smell of garbage didn't seem to prompt him into action.
We were a little bit more successful with food. Bil has always been scared to use the stove. But, we found he could use the microwave with direction. Lunch was not a problem two days a week, when he attended a day program. On other days, he would have a sandwich from a fast food place or the local supermarket (one of us had to take him). For supper, we ended up buying frozen dinners for him (alternating them with ready made dinners from the local supermarket). Bil learned to read the directions and put in the cooking times.
But being able to make microwave meals or being able to take out the garbage does not lead to independence.
Also, there is no public transportation where Bil lives. He is too young for the "senior bus". He is not capable of learning how to drive. And, even if he could get around on his own, it would not solve the problem of housing for Bil.
We will have to learn to think outside the box, because his options are truly limited.
"Y" Day on Blogging from A To Z.
Let me backtrack a little. Bil lives with his mother. He always has. First, it was in his childhood home, where he lived for all his conscious life. In 2015, he and his mother were moved up here to be closer to two of her other children, and they moved into an apartment in a senior complex.
Once his Mom can no longer stay there due to physical or health issues, Bil has to move out, and find another housing option. He would be allowed to stay, but he can't afford the rent. And therein lies the problem.
We already experienced a time when Bil had to stay in the apartment while his mother was hospitalized. He had a lot of support from my husband, his oldest brother, and me.
I've mentioned in other posts about the fact that Bil could never grasp the fact that garbage needed to be taken out. He had to be prompted. It was surprising that the smell of garbage didn't seem to prompt him into action.
We were a little bit more successful with food. Bil has always been scared to use the stove. But, we found he could use the microwave with direction. Lunch was not a problem two days a week, when he attended a day program. On other days, he would have a sandwich from a fast food place or the local supermarket (one of us had to take him). For supper, we ended up buying frozen dinners for him (alternating them with ready made dinners from the local supermarket). Bil learned to read the directions and put in the cooking times.
But being able to make microwave meals or being able to take out the garbage does not lead to independence.
Also, there is no public transportation where Bil lives. He is too young for the "senior bus". He is not capable of learning how to drive. And, even if he could get around on his own, it would not solve the problem of housing for Bil.
We will have to learn to think outside the box, because his options are truly limited.
"Y" Day on Blogging from A To Z.
Monday, April 10, 2017
Hate Has No Home Here #AtoZChallenge
It's unspeakable, hating people for being different. There are many unspeakable things that we have had to face in recent months.
Symbols of a political party that once exterminated millions of people being painted on subway walls and buildings.
Desecration of cemeteries.
People who hate feel enabled to express themselves more openly. Hate crimes are on the rise.
My brother in law, "Bil", cast his vote this past November. He had a simple viewpoint: one of the candidates was "mean". That candidate didn't get Bil's vote.
But while we are on the topic of hate and homes, there is a hate that Bil may not know exists.
Some people hate him, without knowing him, because he is autistic. In fact, when I Googled "people who hate people with autism" I got 10,900,000 hits. OUCH.
Have you ever heard of the expression NIMBY? It stands for Not In My Back Yard, and the fear people have of people different from them living in their neighborhoods.
That includes autistic people, and others similar to them. As a result, it is hard for people with developmental disabilities such as autism to find decent housing. I have read a statistic stating that over 50% of adults with autism live with family members. Some of those family members are elderly, some even in their 90's. Parents fear for the future of their children. It's a nationwide problem, not just where we live in New York State.
That is what Bil has done all his life - lived, first with both parents, and, for the last almost 20 years, with his mother. But now, with age and health issues, she is moving closer and closer to the day when they will have to part.
My husband and I, and his other brother and his wife, are all older than Bil is, and, in fact, he is healthier than all of us are. Ironic, isn't it?
We've been trying to find good housing for Bil, as it is his wish to continue where he lives after his mother is no longer able, but it is a long, rough road. Explaining this road would be too long for this challenge, but in short, he could not afford the apartment where he is now.
Maybe I can fit some information into another letter, another day.
It's all part of Journeying through the Unknown.
Symbols of a political party that once exterminated millions of people being painted on subway walls and buildings.
Desecration of cemeteries.
People who hate feel enabled to express themselves more openly. Hate crimes are on the rise.
My brother in law, "Bil", cast his vote this past November. He had a simple viewpoint: one of the candidates was "mean". That candidate didn't get Bil's vote.
 |
| Binghamton, New York, March 2017 |
Some people hate him, without knowing him, because he is autistic. In fact, when I Googled "people who hate people with autism" I got 10,900,000 hits. OUCH.
Have you ever heard of the expression NIMBY? It stands for Not In My Back Yard, and the fear people have of people different from them living in their neighborhoods.
That includes autistic people, and others similar to them. As a result, it is hard for people with developmental disabilities such as autism to find decent housing. I have read a statistic stating that over 50% of adults with autism live with family members. Some of those family members are elderly, some even in their 90's. Parents fear for the future of their children. It's a nationwide problem, not just where we live in New York State.
That is what Bil has done all his life - lived, first with both parents, and, for the last almost 20 years, with his mother. But now, with age and health issues, she is moving closer and closer to the day when they will have to part.
My husband and I, and his other brother and his wife, are all older than Bil is, and, in fact, he is healthier than all of us are. Ironic, isn't it?
We've been trying to find good housing for Bil, as it is his wish to continue where he lives after his mother is no longer able, but it is a long, rough road. Explaining this road would be too long for this challenge, but in short, he could not afford the apartment where he is now.
Maybe I can fit some information into another letter, another day.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Housing for Bil Part 2
In Part 1, I started to blog about Bil, one day, having to live apart from his elderly mother.
We had a coming attraction about his ability to live on his own when his mother became sick a bit more than a year ago, and had to be hospitalized. The hospitalization was followed by rehab. At her age, lying in a hospital bed causes rapid physical deterioration.
Bil did not want to live with one of his brothers. He didn't mind being by himself. I'm sure that is because he was in control of his environment. He could keep the lights dimmed, the TV on as he chose, and do what he wanted.
There were just a few problems.
He would not take out the garbage unless prompted. And, with everything connected with his mother's hospitalization, we didn't realize for a couple of days, that no one had taken the garbage out. Normally, taking the garbage out is Bil's task- but he does it under his Mom's direction.
There was no direction now. He didn't take the garbage out.
We walked into the house, some two days after my mother in law was admitted to the hospital, and - it stank. Stank as in bad food scraps, and more.
Bil seemed oblivious to the smell. So we had to tel him to take the garbage out.
He never did learn to take the garbage out without prompting. I would have thought that, after a while, it would have become a part of his routine, but it never did. So this was just one of a number of experiences we had, being fully responsible for Bil for the first time.
It won't be the last time.
To Be Continued.
We had a coming attraction about his ability to live on his own when his mother became sick a bit more than a year ago, and had to be hospitalized. The hospitalization was followed by rehab. At her age, lying in a hospital bed causes rapid physical deterioration.
Bil did not want to live with one of his brothers. He didn't mind being by himself. I'm sure that is because he was in control of his environment. He could keep the lights dimmed, the TV on as he chose, and do what he wanted.
There were just a few problems.
He would not take out the garbage unless prompted. And, with everything connected with his mother's hospitalization, we didn't realize for a couple of days, that no one had taken the garbage out. Normally, taking the garbage out is Bil's task- but he does it under his Mom's direction.
There was no direction now. He didn't take the garbage out.
We walked into the house, some two days after my mother in law was admitted to the hospital, and - it stank. Stank as in bad food scraps, and more.
Bil seemed oblivious to the smell. So we had to tel him to take the garbage out.
He never did learn to take the garbage out without prompting. I would have thought that, after a while, it would have become a part of his routine, but it never did. So this was just one of a number of experiences we had, being fully responsible for Bil for the first time.
It won't be the last time.
To Be Continued.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Housing for Bil Part 1
"Bil" had his annual review recently, and the topic of housing for Bil, once my mother in law can no longer care for him, came up.
Let me backtrack a little Bil lives with his mother. He always has, for the almost 60 years of his life. For almost all of them, he lived in the same house. In 2015, he and his mother moved up here to be closer to two of her other children, and they moved into an apartment in a senior complex.
Once his Mom can no longer stay in the apartment due to physical or health issues, the State of New York will not let him stay there by himself (which would not be a good idea, anyway), because Bil has a developmental disability called autism. At this point in his life, he can not live independently. He doesn't have the skills.
We had a coming attraction about his ability to live on his own when his mother became sick a bit more than a year ago, and had to be hospitalized. The hospitalization was followed by rehab. At her age, lying in a hospital bed causes rapid physical deterioration.
Bil did not want to live with one of his nearby siblings. He didn't mind being by himself. I'm sure that is because he was in control of his environment. He could keep the lights dimmed, the TV on as he chose, and do what he wanted. No wild parties - just being on his own.
We knew he needed our support, and we did live in the area. We would check in on him, make sure things were OK, bring food, and take him out when needed.
There were just a few problems, and they became apparent quickly.
To Be Continued.
Let me backtrack a little Bil lives with his mother. He always has, for the almost 60 years of his life. For almost all of them, he lived in the same house. In 2015, he and his mother moved up here to be closer to two of her other children, and they moved into an apartment in a senior complex.
Once his Mom can no longer stay in the apartment due to physical or health issues, the State of New York will not let him stay there by himself (which would not be a good idea, anyway), because Bil has a developmental disability called autism. At this point in his life, he can not live independently. He doesn't have the skills.
We had a coming attraction about his ability to live on his own when his mother became sick a bit more than a year ago, and had to be hospitalized. The hospitalization was followed by rehab. At her age, lying in a hospital bed causes rapid physical deterioration.
Bil did not want to live with one of his nearby siblings. He didn't mind being by himself. I'm sure that is because he was in control of his environment. He could keep the lights dimmed, the TV on as he chose, and do what he wanted. No wild parties - just being on his own.
We knew he needed our support, and we did live in the area. We would check in on him, make sure things were OK, bring food, and take him out when needed.
There were just a few problems, and they became apparent quickly.
To Be Continued.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Go Time
My research is organized. It is go time.
We have several sets of issues: a recap may be helpful.
1. Bil, a man in his 50's with autism, has been cared for by his mother for all his life. But his mother is in her 80's, has fallen several times, and struggles with issues that may have been caused by a small stroke several years ago.
2. She wants to have Bil with her. But this is making Bil's world shrink. She is in tremendous pain now getting in and out of her car. She just can't take him places. And, she won't let go. She already, when his number came up on a waiting list, refused to let him go into supported housing. He was reluctant, but I think he would have done it if she had encouraged him.
3. He wants to be around people in his own way, on his own terms. And she can't be his transportation any more. I have a feeling she won't be driving for that much longer.
4. She is losing her hearing.
Thank heavens she still has her wits about her.
5. She is scared of falling, scared of losing her independence.
6. We know Bil cares, but he is who he is,and he can't express what he feels. He cares for his Mom - but on what level, I truly don't know.
7. Family members have been split on what to do about this situation, but I think, in the last two weeks, we have moved closer. This process was actually started by another in law of Bil, not me, but it doesn't matter. This isn't a game with us scoring points.
We meet today (without me).
I will recap what happens today when I can.
We have several sets of issues: a recap may be helpful.
1. Bil, a man in his 50's with autism, has been cared for by his mother for all his life. But his mother is in her 80's, has fallen several times, and struggles with issues that may have been caused by a small stroke several years ago.
2. She wants to have Bil with her. But this is making Bil's world shrink. She is in tremendous pain now getting in and out of her car. She just can't take him places. And, she won't let go. She already, when his number came up on a waiting list, refused to let him go into supported housing. He was reluctant, but I think he would have done it if she had encouraged him.
3. He wants to be around people in his own way, on his own terms. And she can't be his transportation any more. I have a feeling she won't be driving for that much longer.
4. She is losing her hearing.
Thank heavens she still has her wits about her.
5. She is scared of falling, scared of losing her independence.
6. We know Bil cares, but he is who he is,and he can't express what he feels. He cares for his Mom - but on what level, I truly don't know.
7. Family members have been split on what to do about this situation, but I think, in the last two weeks, we have moved closer. This process was actually started by another in law of Bil, not me, but it doesn't matter. This isn't a game with us scoring points.
We meet today (without me).
I will recap what happens today when I can.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The Drive to Safety
For the second time in 15 months, Bil has had to evacuate in advance of a storm. They aren't in danger of flooding where they live, but they are prone to power failures. And, I even worry that a tree could fall on their house.
Now here comes Tropical Storm Sandy, with thousands and thousands of people evacuating.
Bil, is safe - I hope - with a relative. His mother is there too and at the very least they will have company in case anything does happen.
Now I can rest a little easier.
But how many times is this going to happen? As a long distance caretaker for Bil (my role more like an advocate right now) and my mother in law, who is in her 80's, and global warming, this seems to be happening more and more.
I am so grateful he doesn't have to be in an evacuation shelter. I dread the thought of a man with autism having to be in one of those places.
Now let's hope everything stays OK in the tri-state area.
Now here comes Tropical Storm Sandy, with thousands and thousands of people evacuating.
Bil, is safe - I hope - with a relative. His mother is there too and at the very least they will have company in case anything does happen.
Now I can rest a little easier.
But how many times is this going to happen? As a long distance caretaker for Bil (my role more like an advocate right now) and my mother in law, who is in her 80's, and global warming, this seems to be happening more and more.
I am so grateful he doesn't have to be in an evacuation shelter. I dread the thought of a man with autism having to be in one of those places.
Now let's hope everything stays OK in the tri-state area.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The 300th Post
Tomorrow my husband has an appointment to speak to Bil's Medicaid Service Coordinator.
We have so many questions to ask.
1. What can we expect with continued Medicaid service cuts?
2. What about housing lists for Bil? (A sore subject with his mother, but we have to face this.)
3. What about the upcoming People First waiver?
4. (related to #2) will supported housing be cut?
5. And last but not least, what can we do to help Bil?
It is so hard to peer into the future. With this, my 300th post, I find that in a lot of ways, we are no further along with advocating for Bil than we were in post #1. It's like hiking through quicksand! Has there been ANY progress at all?
I hope we will find out tomorrow.
We have so many questions to ask.
1. What can we expect with continued Medicaid service cuts?
2. What about housing lists for Bil? (A sore subject with his mother, but we have to face this.)
3. What about the upcoming People First waiver?
4. (related to #2) will supported housing be cut?
5. And last but not least, what can we do to help Bil?
It is so hard to peer into the future. With this, my 300th post, I find that in a lot of ways, we are no further along with advocating for Bil than we were in post #1. It's like hiking through quicksand! Has there been ANY progress at all?
I hope we will find out tomorrow.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
The Disabled Caring for Aging Parents
At one time, in New York, Medicaid Service Coordinators (MSCs) had to visit with their clients once a month and do a home visit every 3 months (so, in other words, they saw their clients in the home setting three times a year).
Now, with budget cuts, the visits are 3 times a year, and only one visit needs to be in the client's home. So, in other words, home visits have been cut from 4 times a year to once.
I don't know the last time Bil had a visit at his home, where he lives with my mother in law. But we are worried about my mother in law's falls (several falls in the past year), and went ahead and made the medicaid service coordinator aware of it. I wouldn't be surprised if Bil mentions the last fall to the MSC, where he was unable to get her up on her feet and (fortunately she was conscious) she was able to give Bil instructions on getting help for her. Fortunately, all ended well.
The MSC offered to do the annual home visit now, rather than wait another four months, to make sure all looked OK. That visit will take place in the near future.
I wonder what effect the decreased schedule of visits will make in the lives of the developmentally disabled overall in NY State. Bil is far from the only disabled person living with aged parents. In Bil's case, she is visited regularly by other relatives. But that is not always the case. And I can't believe other developmentally disabled individuals don't cope with trying, in some way, to help care for their elderly parents.
We without disabilities have enough problems being caretakers. I feel for Bil and this situation that, basically, his mother has forced him into without being willing to let him go into supported housing. But he has taken on this burden. He's incorporated some aspects of his caregiving into his daily routing-such as automatically going into the car trunk to take groceries or whatever into the house.
But for enough things, he still can't help unless he is constantly coached. And he won't do anything with cooking at all - anything to do with cooking (the stove, the microwave, etc.) terrifies him.
We've made the MSC aware of this situation, and we'll see if she has any ideas after the home visit. Her help, of course, can only extend to things that benefit Bil, and we realize that. But another eye on the situation will help us.
Now, with budget cuts, the visits are 3 times a year, and only one visit needs to be in the client's home. So, in other words, home visits have been cut from 4 times a year to once.
I don't know the last time Bil had a visit at his home, where he lives with my mother in law. But we are worried about my mother in law's falls (several falls in the past year), and went ahead and made the medicaid service coordinator aware of it. I wouldn't be surprised if Bil mentions the last fall to the MSC, where he was unable to get her up on her feet and (fortunately she was conscious) she was able to give Bil instructions on getting help for her. Fortunately, all ended well.
The MSC offered to do the annual home visit now, rather than wait another four months, to make sure all looked OK. That visit will take place in the near future.
I wonder what effect the decreased schedule of visits will make in the lives of the developmentally disabled overall in NY State. Bil is far from the only disabled person living with aged parents. In Bil's case, she is visited regularly by other relatives. But that is not always the case. And I can't believe other developmentally disabled individuals don't cope with trying, in some way, to help care for their elderly parents.
We without disabilities have enough problems being caretakers. I feel for Bil and this situation that, basically, his mother has forced him into without being willing to let him go into supported housing. But he has taken on this burden. He's incorporated some aspects of his caregiving into his daily routing-such as automatically going into the car trunk to take groceries or whatever into the house.
But for enough things, he still can't help unless he is constantly coached. And he won't do anything with cooking at all - anything to do with cooking (the stove, the microwave, etc.) terrifies him.
We've made the MSC aware of this situation, and we'll see if she has any ideas after the home visit. Her help, of course, can only extend to things that benefit Bil, and we realize that. But another eye on the situation will help us.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Stuck Stuck Stuck
Bil's Medicaid Service Coordinator tells us there is nothing that can be done to help us find emergency housing for Bil as long as we are not his guardians. This is because Bil has not expressed any interest in this option.
People First strikes again. I maintain once again that People First, while great for those without cognitive disabilities, is a disaster for those who can not understand complex concepts such as "if my mother, heaven forbid, drops dead tomorrow, my future is going to change tremendously and I can not stay in my mother's house, where I have always lived, because there is a reverse mortgage on it and the bank will kick me out." In not so many words, that is.
As far as we know, my mother in law has never been declared Bil's guardian, but she seems somewhat secretive about this. If she were his guardian, she assumes someone in the family is going to take Bil in. Somehow, this conversation never takes place. It is just too painful for any of Bil's brothers or sisters to bring up. Never mind that most of us are older than Bil, that some of us have health problems, and that Bil really deserves something better than being passed from sibling to sibling as we pass on. Which will be, in all probability, before Bil leaves this earth.
So do we start the legal proceedings to become guardians? This would, I fear, tear the family apart as long as Bil's mother is alive. The only hopeful thing is, the brothers and sisters may be together for Thanksgiving. But I am not optimistic about this conversation happening. I fear no one will want to "ruin the holiday".
If Bil's mother dies before we can have a frank discussion a lot of holidays are going to be ruined. Why do we always seem to be stuck in quicksand? I'm so tired of whining about this. I was hoping to have a hopeful blog, not a whiny blog. But we are stuck stuck stuck.
People First strikes again. I maintain once again that People First, while great for those without cognitive disabilities, is a disaster for those who can not understand complex concepts such as "if my mother, heaven forbid, drops dead tomorrow, my future is going to change tremendously and I can not stay in my mother's house, where I have always lived, because there is a reverse mortgage on it and the bank will kick me out." In not so many words, that is.
As far as we know, my mother in law has never been declared Bil's guardian, but she seems somewhat secretive about this. If she were his guardian, she assumes someone in the family is going to take Bil in. Somehow, this conversation never takes place. It is just too painful for any of Bil's brothers or sisters to bring up. Never mind that most of us are older than Bil, that some of us have health problems, and that Bil really deserves something better than being passed from sibling to sibling as we pass on. Which will be, in all probability, before Bil leaves this earth.
So do we start the legal proceedings to become guardians? This would, I fear, tear the family apart as long as Bil's mother is alive. The only hopeful thing is, the brothers and sisters may be together for Thanksgiving. But I am not optimistic about this conversation happening. I fear no one will want to "ruin the holiday".
If Bil's mother dies before we can have a frank discussion a lot of holidays are going to be ruined. Why do we always seem to be stuck in quicksand? I'm so tired of whining about this. I was hoping to have a hopeful blog, not a whiny blog. But we are stuck stuck stuck.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
NY Whistleblowers
Nothing much to report re Bil this Saturday. So instead, I will pass along a link to the latest scandal in NY State: what a surprise, people who were supposed to shield whistleblowers - employees of group homes who might be reporting instances of neglect or abuse - were instead reporting the names of the whistleblowers.
We have never considered group homes as a housing option for Bil (who lives in New York State) but one never knows what the future will bring.
Reading some of the instances of abuse/neglect in this article makes me hope that we never have to consider this option.
We have never considered group homes as a housing option for Bil (who lives in New York State) but one never knows what the future will bring.
Reading some of the instances of abuse/neglect in this article makes me hope that we never have to consider this option.
Monday, November 7, 2011
A Mother Who Cares for the Housing of Her Child
I haven't been reporting on Bil's Medicaid situation lately. It has not gone well, and I would rather not talk about it.
We are not going to get much help as far as getting a housing situation for Bil set up. Rather than vent my anger over the situation (while we try to juggle work situations, flood recovery from our community flooding in early September due to a tropical storm that dumped some 10 inches of rain on our fair community, and other issues including a health issue in my family) I found this blog post. A mother with the energy to go through this process, the process that we just don't seem to have the will to pursue. May she obtain what she hopes to obtain for her son.
It isn't that my mother in law doesn't care. It's that she doesn't get it and no one wants to confront her. And someone we thought was going to be an ally in our efforts turned out not to be. Shame on us for trusting that person. We just don't have the energy to pursue it. I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now.
Right now I really don't want to say more. I will when I am ready to.
We are not going to get much help as far as getting a housing situation for Bil set up. Rather than vent my anger over the situation (while we try to juggle work situations, flood recovery from our community flooding in early September due to a tropical storm that dumped some 10 inches of rain on our fair community, and other issues including a health issue in my family) I found this blog post. A mother with the energy to go through this process, the process that we just don't seem to have the will to pursue. May she obtain what she hopes to obtain for her son.
It isn't that my mother in law doesn't care. It's that she doesn't get it and no one wants to confront her. And someone we thought was going to be an ally in our efforts turned out not to be. Shame on us for trusting that person. We just don't have the energy to pursue it. I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now.
Right now I really don't want to say more. I will when I am ready to.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Budget Cuts and Housing for Those with Disabilities
I heard a story from my husband, who spoke to his mother today.
Bil is going to get a new Medicaid Service Coordinator. The one he has now (who has to leave her position due to personal reasons) had two disabled people living with her under some kind of New York funded program. She and her family cared for them, in a family setting.
This program is being discontinued due to budget cuts. They are going to be losing their home placement.
Apparently, they will not be homeless - our understanding is, they will be moved into a group home situation.
I don't know if either of these adults have autism, and how quickly they had to move.
Imagine, if you were neurotypical, if this happened to you. What a shock it would be.
For Bil, it would be a disaster.
A reminder of how fragile his living situation may be, once his mother is no longer able to care for him.
Bil is going to get a new Medicaid Service Coordinator. The one he has now (who has to leave her position due to personal reasons) had two disabled people living with her under some kind of New York funded program. She and her family cared for them, in a family setting.
This program is being discontinued due to budget cuts. They are going to be losing their home placement.
Apparently, they will not be homeless - our understanding is, they will be moved into a group home situation.
I don't know if either of these adults have autism, and how quickly they had to move.
Imagine, if you were neurotypical, if this happened to you. What a shock it would be.
For Bil, it would be a disaster.
A reminder of how fragile his living situation may be, once his mother is no longer able to care for him.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I Refuse to Feel Guilty
I refuse to feel guilty because I do not intend to ever have Bil live with my husband and me. For even one minute.
Aren't family members supposed to care for one another?
Yes, 100% yes. But what is "care"? And what is "best" for all parties?
My mother in law made the decision (in her mind) a long time ago, without consulting any of the parties involved, that Bil was going to live with one of his two brothers eventually. Nothing was taken into consideration, including their feeling or the fact that both brothers are older than Bil. And then what? Her husband didn't make it much past 70. Does Bil get passed down to the next generation? Did she ever consider that one of the two spouses would end up caring for Bil in their own age and perhaps neither spouse would have the same family ties, or feelings of obligation? Or that some of the parties involved in this transaction also have health issues, and may not be able to do this?
So what gave her the right to make this decision without consulting any of the parties to explain what she was asking for, why, and giving her children the chance to discuss with her? No, it was just a given.
His name has come up on NY Cares, and she would not let him go, even with his Medicaid Service Coordinator begging her to change her mind.
We, and the other brother, have promised my mother in law that Bil will be cared for. We have not promised we will take him into our homes.
Let's put it this way. The way our system is set up, we will be caretakers forever if we let Bil into our homes. It may be fine now, but maybe not fine in 10, 15 years, but we will not be permitted to give up the burden.
My parents both had chronic health problems. They were both dead by the time I was in my 30's. I had a lot of mixed feelings about being a caregiver (and that was my role) from around the age of 10. I wanted to have the life of some of my teenaged friends (when I was a teen) and I can tell you that sometimes I resented the role that I had to play instead. I guess sometimes the feelings pop out again at times like these. The voice that says "oh no, not again". I know one day I may be my husband's caretaker (or vice-versa) and I voluntarily took marriage vows binding me to that committment.
Guess what. There was nothing in there about Bil.
Parents of children with special needs many times never consider their other children. There are valid reasons for it, such as the struggle to make it through each day, but it makes life hard for a lot of these siblings. People not in that role can never quite understand the feelings that result. I strongly suspect the other brother never had children for feelings related to his relationship to Bil.
I have been married to such a sibling for many, many years, and I know I don't understand completely. I can't completely crawl into my husband's head.
My mother in law expected her other young children to help take the burden of a special needs child, even when they were in their preteens and teens, and couldn't understand why they went off with their friends instead of caring every minute for Bil. Guess what? THEY LOVE BIL BUT THEY WANTED THEIR OWN LIVES, TOO.
And, as adults nearing retirement age, we know we may have to be working way past retirement age just to make ends meet. Are we never going to be entitled to our own lives? Is feeling like we should not have to care for Bil into our 70's, 80's and maybe even beyond, selfish?
I don't think it is.
But my mother in law had years to think about it and years to talk to us about it. Right now it has evolved, I think, into a "don't ask don't tell situation".
You know what? I want to have an empty nest. Selfish? If so, so be it.
As for my spouse, what he says is he wants Bil to have a quality of life beyond him spending most of his waking hours in his room, listening to the radio. My husband thinks Bil sometimes feels trapped, based on some of his behavior after his mother became incapacitated last month. It could be Bil wants to participate more in this world, but doesn't know quite how, and can't communicate his needs. He also needs a bigger world, more independence. He needs as much independence as he is capable of. He needs to be able to "grow up". He doesn't want to be a type of child forever.
I dread what is going to happen the day we get "that phone call". I think it is going to be a sudden situation - one last fall. Or another stroke. And on that day,Bil's world will be rocked, and I don't mean that in a good way. The foundations of his life will crumble. He needs to be in the living situation he will be in after that day, before that happens. And my mother in law stands in the way.
I wanted this to be a reasoned discussion of our feelings, and it has turned into a rant.
So be it.
Aren't family members supposed to care for one another?
Yes, 100% yes. But what is "care"? And what is "best" for all parties?
My mother in law made the decision (in her mind) a long time ago, without consulting any of the parties involved, that Bil was going to live with one of his two brothers eventually. Nothing was taken into consideration, including their feeling or the fact that both brothers are older than Bil. And then what? Her husband didn't make it much past 70. Does Bil get passed down to the next generation? Did she ever consider that one of the two spouses would end up caring for Bil in their own age and perhaps neither spouse would have the same family ties, or feelings of obligation? Or that some of the parties involved in this transaction also have health issues, and may not be able to do this?
So what gave her the right to make this decision without consulting any of the parties to explain what she was asking for, why, and giving her children the chance to discuss with her? No, it was just a given.
His name has come up on NY Cares, and she would not let him go, even with his Medicaid Service Coordinator begging her to change her mind.
We, and the other brother, have promised my mother in law that Bil will be cared for. We have not promised we will take him into our homes.
Let's put it this way. The way our system is set up, we will be caretakers forever if we let Bil into our homes. It may be fine now, but maybe not fine in 10, 15 years, but we will not be permitted to give up the burden.
My parents both had chronic health problems. They were both dead by the time I was in my 30's. I had a lot of mixed feelings about being a caregiver (and that was my role) from around the age of 10. I wanted to have the life of some of my teenaged friends (when I was a teen) and I can tell you that sometimes I resented the role that I had to play instead. I guess sometimes the feelings pop out again at times like these. The voice that says "oh no, not again". I know one day I may be my husband's caretaker (or vice-versa) and I voluntarily took marriage vows binding me to that committment.
Guess what. There was nothing in there about Bil.
Parents of children with special needs many times never consider their other children. There are valid reasons for it, such as the struggle to make it through each day, but it makes life hard for a lot of these siblings. People not in that role can never quite understand the feelings that result. I strongly suspect the other brother never had children for feelings related to his relationship to Bil.
I have been married to such a sibling for many, many years, and I know I don't understand completely. I can't completely crawl into my husband's head.
My mother in law expected her other young children to help take the burden of a special needs child, even when they were in their preteens and teens, and couldn't understand why they went off with their friends instead of caring every minute for Bil. Guess what? THEY LOVE BIL BUT THEY WANTED THEIR OWN LIVES, TOO.
And, as adults nearing retirement age, we know we may have to be working way past retirement age just to make ends meet. Are we never going to be entitled to our own lives? Is feeling like we should not have to care for Bil into our 70's, 80's and maybe even beyond, selfish?
I don't think it is.
But my mother in law had years to think about it and years to talk to us about it. Right now it has evolved, I think, into a "don't ask don't tell situation".
You know what? I want to have an empty nest. Selfish? If so, so be it.
As for my spouse, what he says is he wants Bil to have a quality of life beyond him spending most of his waking hours in his room, listening to the radio. My husband thinks Bil sometimes feels trapped, based on some of his behavior after his mother became incapacitated last month. It could be Bil wants to participate more in this world, but doesn't know quite how, and can't communicate his needs. He also needs a bigger world, more independence. He needs as much independence as he is capable of. He needs to be able to "grow up". He doesn't want to be a type of child forever.
I dread what is going to happen the day we get "that phone call". I think it is going to be a sudden situation - one last fall. Or another stroke. And on that day,Bil's world will be rocked, and I don't mean that in a good way. The foundations of his life will crumble. He needs to be in the living situation he will be in after that day, before that happens. And my mother in law stands in the way.
I wanted this to be a reasoned discussion of our feelings, and it has turned into a rant.
So be it.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Living With Us Again?
I blogged several days ago about Bil deciding he wanted to sleep here on his last visit over the weekend. My mother in law was sure he would not, and would not want to be away from her....but he was OK with it. Although I don't know about next time, because he didn't sleep very well.
I wish I could remember the comment my mother in law made, something about Bil practicing for when she was "no longer around". In other words, Bil was practicing sleeping here for when he would be living here permanently. This is another topic my mother in law has a total blind spot about. For a number of reasons we truly do not think that Bil living with us would be the best thing after she can no longer take care of him. But I digress (although I do need to blog more about that.)
I have realized for a long time that there is some kind of, dare I call it, symbiotic relationship between Bil and his mother. When an opening in supported housing opened up some 3 years ago, she refused to sign the papers. All of her other children pleaded with her, her Medicaid Service Coordinator pleaded with her, but no go. I think that Bil could have been eased into it with some kind of transitional plan, but my husband and I didn't have the knowledge to really craft something like that. I have to admit, working with people is not my strong suit. I tend to be very introverted. Be it as it may, she thought Bil wouldn't want to sleep away from her and guess what he did.
It's funny she thought that, because he has been away from her several times, when she has traveled. She hasn't traveled a lot in her life because her late husband hated to sleep in a strange place. In fact, they vacationed away from home (more than overnight, I mean) a total of three times that I can think of in nearly 40 years of marriage.
And, in the same breath, she announces she may go to California sometime next year for a couple of weeks, if one of her nephews travels out there to visit his son. Again, Bil would stay up here. So why was she making a comment about Bil practicing for when she was gone? I wonder if she is thinking a lot about her mortality for whatever reason. I do that enough and I am 25 years younger than she is!
Anyway, my brother in law's wife (Bil normally stays with them) was glad in a way that Bil stayed with us. She would like Bil to stay with us part of the time if Mil goes to California. Last time, my husband spent a lot of time with Bil although he slept every night at his brother's house. I think that would be a good thing for Bil. Visit and stay, yes.
But live in our house? No.
I wish I could remember the comment my mother in law made, something about Bil practicing for when she was "no longer around". In other words, Bil was practicing sleeping here for when he would be living here permanently. This is another topic my mother in law has a total blind spot about. For a number of reasons we truly do not think that Bil living with us would be the best thing after she can no longer take care of him. But I digress (although I do need to blog more about that.)
I have realized for a long time that there is some kind of, dare I call it, symbiotic relationship between Bil and his mother. When an opening in supported housing opened up some 3 years ago, she refused to sign the papers. All of her other children pleaded with her, her Medicaid Service Coordinator pleaded with her, but no go. I think that Bil could have been eased into it with some kind of transitional plan, but my husband and I didn't have the knowledge to really craft something like that. I have to admit, working with people is not my strong suit. I tend to be very introverted. Be it as it may, she thought Bil wouldn't want to sleep away from her and guess what he did.
It's funny she thought that, because he has been away from her several times, when she has traveled. She hasn't traveled a lot in her life because her late husband hated to sleep in a strange place. In fact, they vacationed away from home (more than overnight, I mean) a total of three times that I can think of in nearly 40 years of marriage.
And, in the same breath, she announces she may go to California sometime next year for a couple of weeks, if one of her nephews travels out there to visit his son. Again, Bil would stay up here. So why was she making a comment about Bil practicing for when she was gone? I wonder if she is thinking a lot about her mortality for whatever reason. I do that enough and I am 25 years younger than she is!
Anyway, my brother in law's wife (Bil normally stays with them) was glad in a way that Bil stayed with us. She would like Bil to stay with us part of the time if Mil goes to California. Last time, my husband spent a lot of time with Bil although he slept every night at his brother's house. I think that would be a good thing for Bil. Visit and stay, yes.
But live in our house? No.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Housing Options
Back around 2001 my husband and I attended a seminar on housing by someone who worked for what was then called OMRDD. What we found out was that housing options for developmentally disabled are confusing, wrapped in government red tape, and had lots of long waiting lists.
Things haven't changed. The person who did the seminar very kindly had dinner with me (I wasn't able to come to the presentation) and some other family members. He is retired now, and was a consultant for a while, but I have lost his name (and card) in the mists of time.
When my young adult son moved into a mobile home, I visited him at his new trailer park. His trailer, although old, is pretty nice. And I said to myself, "with the right supports, I wonder if this might be an option for Bil one day."
Bil's Medicaid Service Coordinator doesn't feel Bil could ever live independently. However, she feels he would be a good candidate for some kind of supported housing situation, with perhaps one or two other "roommates". I am not sure a complete evaluation has ever been made regarding his life skills. We've also been trying for about three years to get Bil a service provider under NY's Residential Habilitation Program (Res Hab) but no one seems wiling to work with a 50 plus year old man. I'm sure that is combined with the relatively low wages for such a position compared to the cost of living in Putnam County.
But thinking of the mobile home, that would probably only be an option if we moved Bil up here. And that may not be the best thing to do (once my mother in law can no longer care for him, that is-because as long as she can she is going to want him at home.) why does it seem governments exist only to provide red tape, not to actually help people like my mother in law? And Bil?
Things haven't changed. The person who did the seminar very kindly had dinner with me (I wasn't able to come to the presentation) and some other family members. He is retired now, and was a consultant for a while, but I have lost his name (and card) in the mists of time.
When my young adult son moved into a mobile home, I visited him at his new trailer park. His trailer, although old, is pretty nice. And I said to myself, "with the right supports, I wonder if this might be an option for Bil one day."
Bil's Medicaid Service Coordinator doesn't feel Bil could ever live independently. However, she feels he would be a good candidate for some kind of supported housing situation, with perhaps one or two other "roommates". I am not sure a complete evaluation has ever been made regarding his life skills. We've also been trying for about three years to get Bil a service provider under NY's Residential Habilitation Program (Res Hab) but no one seems wiling to work with a 50 plus year old man. I'm sure that is combined with the relatively low wages for such a position compared to the cost of living in Putnam County.
But thinking of the mobile home, that would probably only be an option if we moved Bil up here. And that may not be the best thing to do (once my mother in law can no longer care for him, that is-because as long as she can she is going to want him at home.) why does it seem governments exist only to provide red tape, not to actually help people like my mother in law? And Bil?
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Bil and the Mobile Home
Bil is up here (staying with my other brother in law and his wife) for a couple of days.
We went out to eat at a cheap but OK Italian restaurant-to our surprise Bil ordered vegetable lasagna (maybe because his mother did). He didn't say a word during the meal-just stared into space. That would fool most people but I know he was picking up many details of what was going on around him to process in his own way.
Afterwards we went to my son's pride and joy-the mobile home he is moving into out in a country mobile home park. He, again, just looked around. I don't think he was that happy to be there because there was no TV (no money for cable or satellite yet and there is no reception up there otherwise) for him to watch the Weather Channel on. But who knows-a mobile home may be an option for him-it isn't all that expensive (compared to other forms of housing) and he could be totally "alone" if he wanted to. One nice thing about country living (I've lived both in NYC and in deep country, much deeper than where this park is) is that people tend to be "live and let live"-although they also know your business in a very deep way. Both might be good for Bil.
This particular mobile home park seems very strict - they make sure it doesn't get "trashy", are particular about tenants keeping their grounds clean, mowed, no junk cars, that kind of thing. This really may be something to look into, if Bil could get the supports he needs there.
A thought.
Later today we will all be going to my brother in law's lake home down in Pennsylvania. I think he will be happier there.
We went out to eat at a cheap but OK Italian restaurant-to our surprise Bil ordered vegetable lasagna (maybe because his mother did). He didn't say a word during the meal-just stared into space. That would fool most people but I know he was picking up many details of what was going on around him to process in his own way.
Afterwards we went to my son's pride and joy-the mobile home he is moving into out in a country mobile home park. He, again, just looked around. I don't think he was that happy to be there because there was no TV (no money for cable or satellite yet and there is no reception up there otherwise) for him to watch the Weather Channel on. But who knows-a mobile home may be an option for him-it isn't all that expensive (compared to other forms of housing) and he could be totally "alone" if he wanted to. One nice thing about country living (I've lived both in NYC and in deep country, much deeper than where this park is) is that people tend to be "live and let live"-although they also know your business in a very deep way. Both might be good for Bil.
This particular mobile home park seems very strict - they make sure it doesn't get "trashy", are particular about tenants keeping their grounds clean, mowed, no junk cars, that kind of thing. This really may be something to look into, if Bil could get the supports he needs there.
A thought.
Later today we will all be going to my brother in law's lake home down in Pennsylvania. I think he will be happier there.
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