Sunday, July 25, 2010

The end of driving?

Not Bil (who has never been able to learn to drive.)  But my mother in law.

Bil will be up here (with his Mom) sometime in August, for a couple of days.  They will be staying at my brother in law's home about a 15 minute drive from here.

At some point we have to try to stop tap dancing around the subject of what Bil's living arrangements are going to be starting in the near future.  My mil's mobility continues to be an issue, combined with a couple of recent "incidents" (fortunately, both on her property) involving driving-one time, driving into the garage except the door wasn't up.  Both times she was "distracted".  That seems to be her explanation for her falls, and other 'incidents", too.

I'm praying she isn't distracted on the road next time.  With Bil in the car (or not.)

My sister in law has already raised the issue of "can Mom continue to drive?"

If she has to give up the keys (apart from how tramautic it is going to be) we have to face the fact that there is very little public transportation where she lives.  Bil wants his outings.  She wants to maintain her independence.  She wants Bil to continue to live with her, and he does help her (carrying packages, etc.) if she asks-which she does do more and more.

Both have to be able to get to shopping, to appointments.  There may be some options through the Office for Aging, or other government agencies.

It's going to be a big change in his routine, however this happens.

We can't talk to Bil's Medicaid service coordinator (MSC) about this (before talking to my mil) because if you mention anything about any subject to her, she is immediately on the phone to my mother in law.  You would think she was mil's coordinator and not Bil's.

The driving issue (and what will happen to Bil housing wise) is a huge elephant in the room, and, folks, the elephant is getting ready to burst through the walls.

And where is my role in this?

Right now it's just making sure, as best we can (helping my brother in law and his wife), that we can make this a good visit for her.  And trying to be supportive.  But I am getting more and more frustrated.

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