My theme is - Journeying Through the Unknown.
The Unknown Journey is with my brother in law.
Who is my brother in law? I call him "Bil" in this blog.
"Bil" is not easy to know. He doesn't open up easily to people he doesn't know. It takes him a long time to warm up to someone. Over the years, I've compiled this top ten list:
Ten Ways to Win Bil's Heart:
1. Accept him for who he is. Of course, isn't that true for everyone?
2. Take him shopping. Bil loves to get out of the house and shop. He doesn't drive, and doesn't live in walking distance of any shops, so he is dependent on family to do this for him.
3. Buy him chocolate. Bil loves chocolate.
4. Make him Chicken Divan. I don't know if this recipe is the one his mother uses, but it is quick and easy.
5. Let him follow his routines. For Bil, routines give stability in a world he sometimes finds hard to understand.
6. Turn on The Weather Channel. Why? Because he loves weather, and he loves weather broadcasters who happen to be female and blonde.
7. Be a New York Mets fan. Because he is a Mets fan, too. He follows their games, memorizes the scores, and will sometimes, out of nowhere, asks if they won the night before.
8. Buy him a book he likes, especially at Barnes and Nobles. Science/weather is at the top of his list.
9. Don't bring him into uncomfortable situations. If you have to, it's good if there is a TV nearby. See #6.
10. Don't force him if it can be avoided. (Isn't that true for everyone?) The problem is, sometimes there are things that have to be done that Bil may not want to do. It can be so tricky to talk him into doing something like that, like going to the dentist. Sometimes, I have told him flat out, none of us always get what we want. The key here, I think, is to "pick your battles". Ask: does it really matter?
I have a long way to go in understanding my brother in law. But, if we take the time, we may find an interesting person beneath the layers of defensive behavior he has built around himself.
Hi - each spectrum is so different isn't it - it's good you know how to ease Bil's way in life ... which helps you and him ... Acceptance seems to be the key ... and then all things else follow as kindly as possible ... cheers Hilary
ReplyDeletehttp://positiveletters.blogspot.co.uk/2017/04/b-is-for-british-breeds-introduction.html
Acceptance is indeed the key, Hilary. I've known Bil a long time (almost 47 years).
DeleteMy oldest son born in 1982 is 35 y/o. I was a teenager when he was born and no one at the hospital told me that he suffered a para nuchal cord (x2) birth injury during delivery. I only found out a few years ago when I had a chance to read my records from the Dr Office after switching Dr's. He was slow at learning, reading and had trouble concentrating in school. Now he is an adult and after reading my medical records and searching the Internet and reading about autism I swear I think he has it. After learning about the birth injury and the material I read about autism I have asked him to talk to his Dr. about it. He refuses to. Thank you for the information you are posting!
ReplyDeletePerhaps your son will pursue that, one day. At least you gave him the information. You may have planted a seed.
DeleteI like the part about liking cute blonde weather forecasters :) He sounds fun.
ReplyDeleteHe can be, but it takes him a long time to warm up to a person he's just met. After that - watch out!
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