Monday, April 10, 2017

Hate Has No Home Here #AtoZChallenge

It's unspeakable, hating people for being different.  There are many unspeakable things that we have had to face in recent months. 

Symbols of a political party that once exterminated millions of people being painted on subway walls and buildings.

Desecration of cemeteries. 

People who hate feel enabled to express themselves more openly.  Hate crimes are on the rise.

My brother in law, "Bil", cast his vote this past November. He had a simple viewpoint:  one of the candidates was "mean".  That candidate didn't get Bil's vote.
Binghamton, New York, March 2017
But while we are on the topic of hate and homes, there is a hate that Bil may not know exists.

Some people hate him, without knowing him, because he is autistic.  In fact, when I Googled "people who hate people with autism" I got 10,900,000 hits. OUCH.

Have you ever heard of the expression NIMBY? It stands for Not In My Back Yard, and the fear people have of people different from them living in their neighborhoods.

That includes autistic people, and others similar to them.  As a result, it is hard for people with developmental disabilities such as autism to find decent housing.  I have read a statistic stating that over 50% of adults with autism live with family members.  Some of those family members are elderly, some even in their 90's. Parents fear for the future of their children.  It's a nationwide problem, not just where we live in New York State.

That is what Bil has done all his life - lived, first with both parents, and, for the last almost 20 years, with his mother.  But now, with age and health issues,  she is moving closer and closer to the day when they will have to part. 

My husband and I, and his other brother and his wife, are all older than Bil is, and, in fact, he is healthier than all of us are.  Ironic, isn't it?

We've been trying to find good housing for Bil, as it is his wish to continue where he lives after his mother is no longer able, but it is a long, rough road.  Explaining this road would be too long for this challenge, but in short, he could not afford the apartment where he is now. 

Maybe I can fit some information into another letter, another day. 

It's all part of Journeying through the Unknown.


  1. Hi - I can imagine the challenges you are having on all fronts - and poor Bil will not understand. Hate - so often we don't think that if that was us - what would we do ... hate shouldn't be in our heads, we need empathy, understanding and H for helping others ... my thoughts - cheers Hilary

    1. I'm guilty myself of not understanding and, perhaps, being a little Impatient. It can be a struggle sometimes.

  2. I've been reading some of your posts. I've never encountered autism in my family or close friends, so I know close to nothing about it.
    This post is sad, I can't understand that hate. However, I love the slogan Hate Has... as opposite to NIMBY.

    Eva - Mail Adventures
    H is for Harper.

  3. Feel so sad hearing this. It is hard to explain the very concept of why so much hate exists to someone with autism who cannot see the 'logic' behind blind hate.

  4. MY step daughter has a learning disability. She receives many help-services that help her with housing, jobs and she is even going to attend college at age 38. Granted it will be the basics. While she has not run into any blatant mean people yet that I know of because of her difference, she is unable to make any real friends. They like her - but not enough to know her. I know that saddens her.

    Very interesting blog and these issues need to be brought to the forefront. I know many young parents today of children with autism, that cannot think past the present with their little ones. They do eventually grow up.

    1. Not having raised an autistic child, I can only speculate that the present is so all-consuming for the parents, that it is hard for them to think of the future. But they have to!


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